Thursday, August 16, 2012
Grieving
A friend I met online lost her baby boy this month. She was 2 months along.
She had already had a hard journey- infertility, a very early miscarriage, undergoing surgery & IVF.
I've been so sad for her.
Losing a baby to miscarriage is such a hard thing. Even those who have been through it may not understand the unique aspects of your challenges. Every loss is so difficult, but also so different.
I have a baby in my arms & she fills my life with joy.
But those babies I carried within me I still carry in my heart.
"We don't move on & forget, we move forward & remember..." -Viki Pond
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Worth it!
Our little miracle is here!
This was my 7th pregnancy, 4th live birth (3 losses) and 1st pregnancy on anticoagulants.
Things went very smoothly with the delivery & my bleeding was less than OB expected.
We are so relieved that she's here. And I don't mind at all the postpartum shots. Once a day seems like less trouble than the twice a day heparin (I transitioned at 36 wks in preparation for delivery since heparin is out of your system in half the time so there's less risk of hemorrhage). Or maybe I don't mind them because I am so THRILLED that the blood thinners did their job in helping us keep this one. She sure is sweet.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Kick counts
Tracking your baby's movements at approximately the same time every day is an inexpensive, non-invasive, effective way to monitor your baby's well being. It can potentially catch a problem before it affects the baby's heart rate. Kick counts are generally recommended for mothers starting at 28 wks. Mothers with high-risk pregnancies are admonished to start them at 24-26 wks. Here's a site with more information. And here's a convenient chart for recording your kick counts.
Many doctors will also do regular Biophysical profiles at the end of a high-risk pregnancy to check baby's movements, heart rate & responsiveness.
But for daily assurrance that baby is doing well, a kick count can be more informative than a doppler heart monitor. And what tired pregnant mom doesn't want a good reason to lie down for a bit & bond with her baby?
Many doctors will also do regular Biophysical profiles at the end of a high-risk pregnancy to check baby's movements, heart rate & responsiveness.
But for daily assurrance that baby is doing well, a kick count can be more informative than a doppler heart monitor. And what tired pregnant mom doesn't want a good reason to lie down for a bit & bond with her baby?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
When to try again?
If you've had a previous loss, this question will arise and there are really two aspects to it: medically necessity and emotional readiness.
Medically, opinions vary. Research studies are conflicting. At a minimum, you should have one normal period before trying again. This helps date the next pregnancy more accurately and allows for normal buildup of the uterine lining. Generally, a longer wait is recommended for later losses. Some doctors recommend one month wait for each month along you were with the previous loss. This seems like a reasonable rule of thumb except that couples with stillbirths have a very long & difficult wait. (Though their grieving will undoubtedly be long & difficult no matter what, 9 months may be longer than truly necessary.)
Most readers of this blog will have a reason for their loss, but if you don't, it may take several months to complete testing so you know if there is anything that can prevent a recurrence. I strongly recommend testing if you've had multiple losses or even one loss after 12 weeks.
Emotionally, circumstances vary. You may feel ready at a different time than someone else with a loss- even at a different time than your spouse. I don't recommend waiting until "you are done grieving" or you may never try again. But it is often beneficial to give yourself a little time to start grieving the baby you lost before embarking on the very emotional quest for another. It takes time before the shock of the loss wears off and you genuinely start to process and grieve.
With a difficult history, you may wonder if you should EVER try again. Doctors, relatives, and friends will all have their opinions on this, but really it is something only YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE can decide. Talk together and chose together what's best for your family.
After 3 miscarriages, I talked to a woman who'd had 8 (she was now a grandmother & had to suffer through the losses before testing and treatment were available). I was in awe at her courage and tenacity. But I wondered...could I handle 3 more miscarriages? Could I handle 8 total miscarriages? How much heartbreak can you take? Then I decided I didn't have to determine beforehand my breaking point. We decided to take things one step at a time. We felt ready to try ONCE more and braced ourselves for the possibility of 1 more loss, while hoping of course for 1 more success. (Ok, my husband was hoping we'd concieve twins, so I guess he was hoping for 2 more successes at once!) But determining to not determine too much at once was helpful in gathering the courage to try again.
One baby doesn't replace another, but children do bring joy into your life. Though our miracle baby isn't in our arms yet, she's already brought joy to our hearts & we are glad we tried again.
Medically, opinions vary. Research studies are conflicting. At a minimum, you should have one normal period before trying again. This helps date the next pregnancy more accurately and allows for normal buildup of the uterine lining. Generally, a longer wait is recommended for later losses. Some doctors recommend one month wait for each month along you were with the previous loss. This seems like a reasonable rule of thumb except that couples with stillbirths have a very long & difficult wait. (Though their grieving will undoubtedly be long & difficult no matter what, 9 months may be longer than truly necessary.)
Most readers of this blog will have a reason for their loss, but if you don't, it may take several months to complete testing so you know if there is anything that can prevent a recurrence. I strongly recommend testing if you've had multiple losses or even one loss after 12 weeks.
Emotionally, circumstances vary. You may feel ready at a different time than someone else with a loss- even at a different time than your spouse. I don't recommend waiting until "you are done grieving" or you may never try again. But it is often beneficial to give yourself a little time to start grieving the baby you lost before embarking on the very emotional quest for another. It takes time before the shock of the loss wears off and you genuinely start to process and grieve.
With a difficult history, you may wonder if you should EVER try again. Doctors, relatives, and friends will all have their opinions on this, but really it is something only YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE can decide. Talk together and chose together what's best for your family.
After 3 miscarriages, I talked to a woman who'd had 8 (she was now a grandmother & had to suffer through the losses before testing and treatment were available). I was in awe at her courage and tenacity. But I wondered...could I handle 3 more miscarriages? Could I handle 8 total miscarriages? How much heartbreak can you take? Then I decided I didn't have to determine beforehand my breaking point. We decided to take things one step at a time. We felt ready to try ONCE more and braced ourselves for the possibility of 1 more loss, while hoping of course for 1 more success. (Ok, my husband was hoping we'd concieve twins, so I guess he was hoping for 2 more successes at once!) But determining to not determine too much at once was helpful in gathering the courage to try again.
One baby doesn't replace another, but children do bring joy into your life. Though our miracle baby isn't in our arms yet, she's already brought joy to our hearts & we are glad we tried again.
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